The Original Conversation

Standing before you in the ethereal, egg-shelled waiting-room are two nondescript, if impeccably dressed, celestial functionaries, both attired in business black, conspiring to open a single brief case overflowing with papers and manilla folders; they smile as a nurse or health-worker of some sort wheels you into the room. Your body seems more amorphous, inchoate, smaller than normal. Is that a baby pram they're got you in? Or perhaps an incredibly cozy, combed cotton blanket that you find yourself snuggled up with, the fabric clinging seamlessly to your gossamer epidermis as if your very person itself was welded to these surroundings; you listen as some underlings bring out charts and graphs and start consulting with you about your future life down on earth. You seem to be on the highest floor of a large skyscraper, the room surrounded by windows on all sides looking out onto misty clouds and some kind of sprawling, well-lit metropolis below. Sleek, modern furniture in the room, fresh-cut flowers, paintings on the wall by artists you've never heard of, pastoral scenes of stoical women spinning, measuring and clipping thread. The faint sound of harp music plucking from a nearby elevator. Despite your lack of mobility, your dazed curiosity, and your reduced size, you feel about as wise, focused, clear-headed and perceptive as you've ever been. It appears as though you are preparing for a momentous event. This is the moment before birth, it seems, the gestation of ego, of experience - a time for negotiation and for prolonged explanations of what awaits you. This is that first conversation that you've heard tell about, that perhaps you have imagined in day-dreams or had hunches about,  the one that gets the ball rolling for you, the conversation that supposedly will justify wherever it is you will end up on the planet. As it turns out, the two angelic "reps" want some feedback, before assigning you to a particular destiny. There is some initial banter about geography. Sort of like an ice-breaker. Do you have any interest in exotic locations. Siberia, Nepal, Chile, western Australia, the Sudan, Madagascar - for example? You mumble a reply and they begin taking notes. Life in the big city or out in the country? Shall we place you on a farm? Near a factory? In a bustling suburb perhaps? Near an ocean, lake, river? Do you mind long winters? Hot summers? Do you envision lots of autumn color wherever you end up? Do you fancy a nomadic, itinerant sort of existence perchance? You have to wonder at this point: How much of a choice do I really have in this matter? The conversation moves away from geography to the question of family life, language, culture, religion. Any penchant for a particular language: Mandarin? Italian? Portuguese has a lovely ring to it...As far as cultural settings, well the world is more unified than ever before. A global village as it were. Secularization continues apace. So the question of "which religious upbringing?" allows for some flexibility given that people often drift in an out of religious traditions, sampling as they go, maintaining convenient-if-tenuous bonds with whatever faith they were raised with. Bottom line: from out of any situation lies  a "path to salvation." Here the "reps" nod in agreement at their own insight. Family life is quite a thorny issue, however. A proper familial placement is what we really need to decide upon...Some sort of "middle child" issuance used to be quite common of course, but with the birth rate declining in various western countries, it might be a matter of simply "older" or "younger" sibling. Then of course, "only child" status is always a possibility. The "reps" begin to confer privately, whispering heatedly. Words and phrases trickle out... references to "parents,"  "guardians" .... "dominant influences" ... "Something about "degrees of domestic security" weighed against "other challenges of youth"… The question of influence: mothers and fathers, identity issues. The state of the parents' relationship is quite crucial - one of the reps declares. You might see (all too frequently) a lust-laden, whirlwind romance yielding unexpected offspring to a young couple woefully unprepared for child-rearing responsibilities or otherwise a more prolonged courtship settling down into a somewhat staid routine. It's difficult to predict with all the ebbs and flows of human sexuality. Add to that the question of whether people take marriage seriously... And then there's the issue of doting vs. overprotective vs. domineering vs. indifferent parenting strategies and all of the gradations that kick in along the continuum. Maybe it's time for a break. One of the reps says she needs a hot cup of tea. The other rep goes to the window and stares downward, seemingly in search of a particular domicile. When the conversation resumes - a somewhat ironic description in that you have not said much yet -  the reps try to cut to the chase as it were. What really matters in all this is YOU as an individual - i.e. your temperament, personality-type, underlying outlook, attitude, sensibility, mindset - along with your physiological endowments and general comportment. Once again - a seeming infinity of possible permutations arises - in need of sifting through… An awkward question, but let's get it out of the way: How much of a premium do you put on external appearance? Do you real care how you look in terms of …. let's say… eye color, girth, shoe size, skin pallor? One of the reps could not restrain herself: Ah, yes beauty and physical prowess. Besides beauty, the reps explain, strength, stamina, flexibility, vitality, general health - all these enter into the picture as well. What is absolutely crucial, they inform you, is how much suffering you can handle; this is no doubt a wide-open category. What do you mean by suffering? - you ask. Well - you know - they reply - a rough-and-tumble kind of life. We're very interested in determining precisely how much pain (physical or mental anguish) you could conceivably endure "stretched out on the rack of this tough world" - as Shakespeare said. - What if I said I don't think I can handle a large portion?- Ah - portion!  Yes - it's all about portion allotments. Very good of you to say portion! -More shuffling of paper...  Some muffling coughs. A valet arrives with a tray of some sort of miniature doughnuts. He offers you some, but eating seems too sophisticated a chore to undertake. We would nevertheless encourage you to be receptive...try to cultivate an open-mind with regard to...uhm...to ah....the issue of pain. Think of it more as a widening of life-options. What we are about to show you...